I hope you're all doing really well.
A couple of weeks ago, I talked about what I think are important tips about being a great guest at a wedding. You can read the full post, but, essentially, be thoughtful & respectful of the couple were my biggest takeaways.
Today, as you might have guessed from the title, I am going to talk about what I believe makes a great wedding couple. Now... this might just be a whole bunch of things a lot of people won't agree with & I'm OK with that. This is a list of the things that I am being particularly considerate of as I currently navigate through my own wedding journey.
I am pretty sure that a lot of these things are in the forefront of my mind because I plan events for a living - the guest experience is one of the most important things to me, which means that I want to make as many people happy as possible, despite it being our big day. Whilst it is, for all intents & purposes, all about you, I don't believe that should be at the expense of all of your guests.
I will be honest now - I am a little bit passionate about this particular subject. It really grinds my gears when a couple is inconsiderate to their guests, or worse, their wedding party. This is a long one, so grab a cuppa (or a cold one) & settle in.
I have said this before but I am going to say it again - this post is 100% my opinion & I definitely don't expect everyone to agree with everything I write. Share your thoughts & opinions in the comments, but be kind & respect other people's differing opinions :)
o Remember it costs a lot to be a guest at a wedding - think outfit, shoes, accessories (if buying new), accommodation, travel costs, a gift. Be thoughtful of this when you choose your dress code, your location, the time of day etc.
o Make sure guests know what the venue is like – no one wants to wear stilettos if the whole place is gravel or grass!
o Think about the weather when you set a dress code – you might have a vision for your big day and what you want the pics to look like, but don’t ask everyone to dress in cocktail dresses in the middle of winter. I have said this before in a previous blog, but you can see when people are too hot or too cold and unhappy in your photos. It's definitely better to compromise on the overall vision than to have guests look uncomfortable in your photos!
o Tell your guests what is happening – no one likes to be unsure & if guests feel lost it could get awkward. You might want to include some surprises, but share the main parts of your runsheet so everyone knows what is happening & when.
o Outline your expectations! Tell guests if you don’t want them to take pics at the ceremony, or share online, or where you stand with kids & plus ones
o Think about the guest experience: I know I do this more than most because events are my job, but every guest walks away remembering the things they didn’t like! No one likes a huge wedding gap, no one really likes a bridal table, no one likes speeches that go for an hour or more. Guests will remember if the food was good, if the booze was free flowing, if they had fun/if there were any moments where they were cold/weren’t sure where to be or what to do. Just… think about it from the other side too & create something that is fun & amazing from all sides. People are spending their time & money to attend your wedding, so treat them all like guests of honour. No one wants to leave a wedding having not given you a hug, taken a pic with you & actually had a conversation with you, so make sure you factor that in.
Some additional points for your wedding party specifically:
o Take care of your wedding party– they are spending even more than the guests to be at your wedding so make them feel special! With the added costs of hair & makeup (if you aren't covering it), manicures, extra time spent on wedding things, then hen/buck nights, the least you can do is thank them in some way. Maybe a gift, maybe covering some of the additional costs, whatever suits you, but a gesture is nice.
o Choose season appropriate outfits - I know this a repeat of one of the points above, but as well as being considerate in choosing a dress code, you also have to think about your wedding party outfits. A tea-length dress in winter, or a heavy long dress in summer won’t be super comfortable for them; a 3 piece suit probably isn't great for summer. I have chosen long skirts, so if my girls want to wear knee high boots & long johns they absolutely can!
o Outline your expectations from them – when you ask people to be part of your wedding party, I think it is really important to talk about what time will be required, what kind of financial commitment they are making and your expectation from the day. Give them the option to say no - maybe they can't afford it, maybe they don't have time! This also makes sure that they are not blindsided by additional costs right at the end; e.g. manicure, spray tan, having to pay for their own hair & makeup.
The ultimate takeaway here is be respectful & considerate. I have been to weddings with a 5+ hour wedding gap, no clear instructions or runsheet or guide to what is happening, speeches that went for 1.5 hours, bridal tables up on a stage where you are not sure if you can go & congratulate, weddings where I haven’t seen the couple at all (Mack attended a wedding where he didn't meet the bride & groom until almost 2 years later!), where you aren’t sure what to wear. These weddings have all matched the couple, sure, but guests are left feeling a little left out & awkward at times.
I think it is also important to note here that it is impossible to make everyone happy! Despite your best efforts, someone will find something to be annoyed or unhappy about - & that is OK!
Even if you do place a high importance on the guest experience, like I do, don't forget that it is actually about you. I know that is a direct contradiction on what I said at the beginning of this post, but actually both statements are true haha. You shouldn't place such an importance on yourself at the expense of all of your guests; you also shouldn't place such a high importance on your guests at the expense of yourselves. I went into this wedding journey with my guest experience being a huge factor when it came to making decisions, especially surrounding location, accommodation, dress code & runsheet. But we drew the line at making exceptions for plus one's & kids, even though we had guests get upset about it, because it was something we 100% didn't want.
What I'm trying to say, in short, is be thoughtful & respectful (sound familiar), but also be true to yourselves as a couple. Make concessions, but make sure you won't regret those concessions later.
Much love,
Hx
