Your bridal party is there to support you in your marriage, and to help you plan the big day. It is such a huge honour as well, to be asked to stand by your side as you tie the knot.
Apparently, the tradition of bridesmaids & groomsmen in the Western world stems from late Roman law. Here, you had to have 10 witnesses at the wedding; they would all wear the same as the bride & groom to outsmart evil spirits, so they wouldn't know who was getting married.
Thank goodness this isn't the case anymore haha!
It is so important to select people that are your closest friends, and people that you know will help you along the way (and not hinder you).
Typically, the bridal party will have the following roles/expectations during the planning process:
- Help choose bridesmaid dresses (& buy their own dress, shoes etc.)
- Help the bride shop for her attire
- Attend all wedding related events (engagement, rehearsal, wedding day)
- Pay for their own transportation & accommodation
- Assist the bride with wedding related tasks (DIY invitations anyone?)
- Listen to a little bit of bitching and/or provide advice if asked
- Plan the hen party/bridal shower
The maid/matron of honour is the bride's right hand woman (or man) & then the bridesmaids back up the maid/matron of honour.
Here are my tips for choosing the right bride tribe for you:
1. Think carefully about it!
Once you ask someone to be your bridesmaid, you can't take it back, so take your time deciding. Your bridal party should support you & your hubby/wife to be & should be willing to help you plan your big day in any way you need/any way they can.
It was important to me that I had girls who would not only help me plan the wedding, but also would be honest when I asked their advice on something!
2. Set expectations from the beginning.
Put all of the cards on the table when you ask someone to be in your bridal party. Let your team know what thoughts you have about the day & what you think you will need help with (e.g. dress shopping, or DIY projects for invitations or decor). Listen to your girls if they have any concerns & work out a way where you are both happy.
When you ask someone to be your bridesmaid, also give them the option to say no - friends that have hectic schedules, or live far away, or are financially struggling might want to stand by your side, but are not in the best position to, so respect that.
3. Think about the size of your wedding party
I have a 1 matron of honour with 2 bridesmaids, which I think is perfect. You don't want to go too big - if you have a wedding of 50 to 60 people, 4 or less works well. If your wedding is 150+, then it wouldn't be as outrageous to have 8 - 12 maids... but more isn't necessarily better. With a bigger bridal party, you have much more organising to do & there are lots of differing opinions flying around. Keep it simple & stress free!
4. Include your siblings, if that suits you
I have 1 sister & we're close, so it's a no brainer that she would be one of my maids. But if you have 6 sisters & you only spend time with 1 or 2 of them, don't choose them all just because. If you & your siblings aren't close, don't feel pressured to choose them! We are living in a modern world where traditions are often fall by the wayside, so don't feel guilty if your siblings aren't the right fit for you.
5. Kids are not necessary
If you don't have a small human in your families that would suit the role of flower girl or ring bearer, then don't have one! If you don't want children at your wedding at all, also totally fine (& fair enough in my opinion haha). You don't need these roles at your wedding if they don't make sense to you. Simply have your maids/men carry the rings, or give the job to another close friend who isn't in the bridal party if you want to. I have my Nan as my 'flower girl' :).
6. Don't ask someone just because they asked you
Pick the girls/boys that make sense to you & don't feel guilty if you don't pick someone who had you on theirs.
To sum up, you should try & create the most stress free environment in which you can plan your wedding with people who are there to help. So many times you hear stories of too many opinions, or not being able to make a decision because someone doesn't like something etc., which is so crazy & stressful. Make sure you have the right team for you!
I am skipping next week to enjoy Christmas, so join me in the new year on the 2nd January for my next Wedding Wednesday!
Have a wonderful Christmas & New Year, wherever you are & whatever you are doing!
Hx
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